How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
