Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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