do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
