I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize