i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
