I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
