I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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