Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
