I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
