It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
