I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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