Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
