What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
