I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize