While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
