sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
