I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
