I wish my penis had an off switch
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
