My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
