This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
