dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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