Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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