just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
