Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize