I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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