yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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