how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize