He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
