dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
