Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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