He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
