I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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