Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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