I'm eating all of the evidence.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
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