if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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