I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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