It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
