clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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