At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
