Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
