Buhtt sex?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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