the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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