imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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