..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
