first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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