i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
