I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If its not for food we ain't going out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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