SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
