if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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