so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
