Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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