My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
