WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize