jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
