wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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