its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
