In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
