i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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