Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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