there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
