Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
