You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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