They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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