In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
