Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i now understand why vodka
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize