dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They took my balls.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
