I wannas sexs uuuuu
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
