bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
